


Little Fox

by sopranotrash



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, F/M, I'll Update as I go because I have no idea what I'm doing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:16:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sopranotrash/pseuds/sopranotrash
Summary: Pahris Lavellan is angry. With a past that she would rather forget and a future she has no interest in, Pahris must find a way to save the people of Thedas and save herself.*This is my first attempt at writing fiction so I really would appreciate any constructive feedback! :D





	1. Chapter 1

Pahris reached out her hand to touch Tomrial's beautiful face. She drew her thumb along the vallaslin on his chin, honoring the goddess Ghilan'nain. Pahris and Tomrial stole as much time as they could by the river that ran near Clan Lavellan in the Free Marches. Under the open night sky, Tomrial's eyes glowed with a warmth that Pahris could feel to her very core. “Ar lath ma” he whispered, and placed his lips upon her wrist. Pahris let her eyes drift closed, drinking in his touch. He whispered to her again in that low, sweet voice she loved, “Where are you going, Little Fox?” “I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” When she opened her eyes, the air rushed out of her lungs and she screamed as the beautiful figure before her was now nothing more than a rotting corpse.

Pahris jolted upwards, wide awake, still screaming. She barely slept these days, but when she did manage to doze off, she was besieged by nightmares. Her eyes scanned the room wildly, trying to find something to ground herself. Hoping to see the grasses and hills of her home, she instead found herself inside a shemlen cabin; the cabin that had been her prison for the past month. Her left hand, marked with the mysterious Anchor, throbbed with a dull ache, as did her head. So it seemed she was still in Haven. Somehow, Pahris had become a beacon of hope for many across Thedas. ‘Herald of Andraste’ they called her. And she was always quick to shoot them down.

She opened the door to her little cabin and scowled at the passersby. The majority of those taking refuge within Haven were humans and Pahris had little patience for them. She hated the reverence that shone in their eyes that would not have been there if she were any other elf. They looked at her, saw her vallaslin for Elgar’nan, and smiled at her because she served a purpose for them. Nearly all of her companions, however, found her to be brash and rude, their interactions always stiff and cold. Pahris didn’t mind. She did everything she could to keep the shemlin at arm’s length. Just because she was their Herald didn’t mean they all had to be bosom buddies.

The only one she truly had respect for in the camp was Varric Tethras. He never put on airs with her, never pretended she was anything other than herself. Out of all those at Haven, Varric seemed to understand the shock and confusion she had experienced after the Conclave and he didn’t patronize her. Pahris counted him as a friend. Normally she caught him alone by the fire and they would share a drink to warm themselves. But this evening, Varric was not alone. A tall, imposing figure stood beside him, sharp grey eyes staring into the flames, brows furrowed in frustration. Solas.

When they first met on that fateful day, Solas had regarded her with a pleasant curiosity. In fact, he had been the one to save her when she fell out of the Fade with the Anchor poised to kill her. But as he began to make disparaging remarks about the Dalish - her people - Pahris began to treat him with the same cold disdain that she used with the shemlin who had imprisoned her. It did little to improve his opinion of the Dalish and he began to scowl whenever she was near. Good. She liked it that way. 

“I find her infuriating. Of all those the Anchor could have been bound to and it ends up in the hands of a reckless fool who knows nothing of the power she possesses!” He was speaking about her, “I find her simple, thuggish, and crude.” “Give the kid a break, Chuckles,” Varric shook his head and his eyes softened, “she fell out of the sky and into all of this shit. That would be tough for anyone.” Solas simply sneered. His expression didn’t change as Pahris approached. He let out a cold “good evening” and left Pahris and Varric alone by the fire. Pahris watched him leave, her eyes burning into his back and sat beside Varric, taking the drink from his outstretched hand. “What is his fucking problem?” she asked after the liquid in the flask had burned her throat. Varric chuckled softly, “He’s an arrogant ass, don’t pay him any mind.” She snorted, “He can go fuck himself. Why should I care what some fucking flat-ear thinks of me?” 

They sat in silence for a few moments, taking quick drinks and staring into the fire until Varric cleared his throat to speak. “Look, I don’t know what’s biting you, but if you need a friend, I’m always here, alright? You got a lot on your plate, I get that. Just remember that I am here for you.” Without looking at him, Pahris smiled softly and let her shoulders relax. Although he knew so little about her, his kindness was sincere. He didn't expect anything from her. It felt good. “Thank you, Varric. I mean it.” She took another drink as Varric launched into one of his many tales. She had at least one ally here and she wasn’t going to fuck it up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An interaction between Pahris and Solas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of the disapproval dialogue that occurs at Skyhold I've used here just for the purpose of the story. Credit for that dialogue goes to the DAI writers. 
> 
> Not feeling too great about this chapter, but I'm hoping that if I keep writing I will improve. If anyone has any helpful comments they will be greatly appreciated! :)

Everything she did infuriated him. Solas had held out hope that this mysterious elf who fell out of the sky marked with his magic would be a cunning and curious creature. But Pahris Lavellan was not what he expected. She was rude, aggressive, and seemed to go out of her way to cast a dark cloud into any room she walked into. There was a permanent scowl on her sunburned face marked for Elgar'nan. Her fingernails always caked with dirt, and her frizzed, dark red hair always hung in her watery blue eyes. When approached by desperate citizens of Thedas, Pahris would snap at them for wasting her time. Instead, directing their concerns to Inquisition scouts. Her Advisors often left the War Room muttering curses under their breath. He couldn't understand why Varric seemed to put up with her, though much of the dwarf's behavior puzzled him. She was hated by many and she knew it. 

But the thing that irked him the most about Pahris Lavellan was her utter lack of curiosity. She was a mage, yet she rarely used her magic. In the rare moments she chose to draw on her magic, he could see her hands shake with fear. On the field, she seemed to prefer fighting with the blade of her staff. When closing the rifts with the Anchor, she closed her eyes and turned away. It seemed Pahris Lavellan had no desire to learn and it made Solas boil with anger. 

If this was the one who had bested his plan, the road ahead would be easier than he thought.

_

 

Pahris walked along the river with Tomrial remaining out of reach ahead of her. He turned to her and smiled, his face illuminated by the moonlight. “Where are you going, Little Fox?” he called as he slowed, allowing her to catch up, reaching out his hand towards her. Pahris took his hand in her own. “I'm not going anywhere, my love. I'm right here.” The smile fell from Tomrial's face as their hands touched. Pahris looked down to see her own hand covered in blood. When she looked up at him again, Tomrial had vanished and in his place was a rotting corpse. 

Pahris snapped awake. She had taken every precaution to stay awake and yet somehow she had fallen asleep. She glanced beside her, worried she had caused trouble, but Varric was still asleep, undisturbed. Finding herself unable to breathe in the confined space, she crept from the tent and into the moonlit fields of the Hinterlands. Pahris had made a habit of sharing a tent with Varric while in the field. If she fell asleep, it helped to have a friendly presence beside her if the nightmares returned. She rarely woke him, but knowing he was there was a comfort. 

The nightmares had gotten worse over time, becoming more and more tangible. Pahris had not slept properly in months and it was beginning to take its toll upon her body. She needed to know how to stop them, how to understand them. And that meant setting aside her pride and asking for help from the one person who knew the Fade better than anyone.

She found him sitting by the fire, wide awake, pouring over notes that had been taken in the field. He did not look up as she approached. “Solas, I-” He stopped her, he had no interest in polite conversation that evening,“Tell me, how does it feel?” “How does what feel?” “Being you. Are you blissfully unaware? Or deep inside, is some part of you banging on the wall, screaming?.” Pahris realized that this would not be easy. “Being me feels great. Like pulling on a warm pair of stockings.” Solas sneered, his eyes narrowing, “Continue with your merry japes. It would be sad, were you forced to examine yourself with a critical eye.” Pahris felt anger boil inside of her. Her fists clenched and her shoulders tensed. She wanted to hit him, but she reminded herself that she had a purpose. “If you're quite finished, I have a question to ask.” Solas looked up at her, a smirk on his face, his eyes lit up with fire, “The ruthless and powerful Herald of Andraste has a question for me? After all this time she finally has deigned to turn her gaze upon my worthless existence? I am honored, O, Lady Herald.” The remark dripped with sarcasm and Pahris fought to keep back tears. She had brought this onto herself, but she needed his help. She needed answers about the Fade and her dreams. “Will you just fucking listen to me?” She snapped. 

Solas looked back at the fire and smirked. He knew he had won. He was being cruel, yes, but it wasn't anything she didn't deserve. She could snap at others all she wanted, but if she couldn't handle having the same attitude thrown back into her face then it was her own doing. He leaned back, relaxing and turning his gaze towards her,“Yes?” 

Pahris took a deep breath, making sure not to look him in the eyes, “I want to know about the Fade, about dreams.” Solas was taken aback at first. He had not expected her to be seeking information. “What do you wish to know?” 

They talked at length, Solas sharing answering her questions to the best of his ability. Although he disliked Pahris, he was happy to talk of the Fade. She surprised him by asking many questions, showing interest in the nature of dreams. 

As the sun began to peek out over the horizon, he stood, making his way to put out the last few embers on the fire. “I'm curious. Before you had very little interest in anything of the arcane. Why change your mind now?” “I can change my mind can't I?” she snapped as she felt her ears grow hot. She knew he would only mock her if she admitted to her fears. The foolish Dalish elf, afraid of her dreams. He held her gaze for a moment, studying her. “I hope I have answered your questions well, Lady Herald.” He walked back to his tent, leaving Pahris alone by the extinguished fire, as Varric and Cassandra began to rise. The day had begun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting with the mages of Redcliffe inspires something within Pahris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I straight up skipped all of the conversations from the start of In Hushed Whispers. We've all played through it a million times so I didn't want to write it out. Perhaps at another point.

Fighting through a rift outside the gate, Pahris and her companions entered Redcliff Village. They had come at the request of Grand Enchanter Fiona, hoping to form an alliance with the rebel mages and work towards sealing the Breach. Not only were the mages a more appealing prospect than the Templars, but Fiona was an elf. It eased Pahris to know that she would be negotiating with one of her own people.

 

The village was ablaze with talk of magic and war, and Pahris could feel the anxious excitement in her bones. If this meeting were successful, they could seal the Breach quickly, and she could return to her Clan.

 

-

 

They passed the refugee camp along the way back to Haven and Cassandra insisted upon stopping to see if there was anything needing to be done. The group split up among the camp and Pahris stood alone by the crossroads. The heat and the smell of the camp overwhelmed her and she sought out a bit of shade while she waited for her companions to finish their tasks. The disappointment of the meeting with Fiona and the Magister had left her sour and she longed for the cool air of her cabin back in Haven. 

 

A cry startled her from her thoughts and she looked around, hoping to pinpoint the source. She caught sight of a young mother and her child. The child, a young shemlen girl of around five years of age, was red faced and crying. Her mother was trying everything in her power to calm her daughter.

 

Pahris approached them, letting her face soften into a smile. The woman looked up and saw Pahris striding towards her, and began to panic, worried her child’s cries would upset the ruthless Herald of Andraste.

 

Pahris surprised her by taking a knee instead, leaning down to reach the height of the child. “Hello there, child,” she cooed, “and what is your name?” The mother answered in a thick Fereldan accent, “Her name is Inez, my lady, and I am Rose. We did not mean to disturb your peace, your worship. She has a fever and the sun is already mighty hot today.” Pahris smiled at the little girl and with shaking hands covered her fingertips with ice. She grazed them gently along Inez’s forehead, “there you are, da’len. You must be a brave girl for your mama, you understand?” The little girl nodded her head through her tears and Pahris noted that the child's own small hands were lit up with sparks. “She’s a mage?” Rose nodded, her face grave, “I’ve been trying to get her out of the Hinterlands for her own safety, but we’ve been having a bit of trouble, your Worship.” Pahris stood, level with Rose, “take her to Haven. The mages will be joining us there and she will be safe. Find the inquisition soldiers heading out and tell them that The Herald of Andraste commands that you accompany them.” Tears came to Rose’s eyes as she hugged her child close, “Thank you, my lady! It’s not true what they say about you, you’re a kind soul.”

 

Pahris smiled and turned towards the center of camp to search for her companions. She found Solas watching her, a smirk playing at his lips. Her ears grew hot as she neared him and she scowled, daring him to speak. Solas wasn’t one to back down, “It seems the fearsome Herald of Andraste has a heart after all! Perhaps there are still wonders left to discover in this world.” “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” She snapped as she marched past him. Although she hated the shemlen and the way they gawked at her, she would never wish a child to suffer. But she would never let Solas know that. She didn’t need to give him any more ammunition for his mockery.

 

“Herald,” he called, catching up and meeting her stride, “There is a subject that I have been meaning to bring to your attention.” She said nothing, and he continued, “Your magic. You are a mage, yes? Why do you fear using your powers in battle? I have seen the way your nerves overtake you on the battle field. Even now with that child, your hands shook as if it were a great undertaking.” “I am perfectly capable, thank you.” She did not wish to have this conversation, not here, not now. “I understand this may be uncomfortable, but if we are to align with the mages and seal the Breach, perhaps you must reevaluate your skills? The task ahead is daunting and we must be prepared.”

 

Pahris stopped in her tracks, whirling around to face him, her face red with rage. “If you’re such a marvelous fucking mage, then why don’t you just seal the Breach without me?” Solas looked at her as if she had spoken complete gibberish. “Please, don’t let’s be foolish, Lady Herald. The Breach cannot be sealed without the Anchor.” She turned from him again, she had heard enough. He caught up with her in an instant, “But, I could mentor you if you’d like. Sharpen your skills.” Pahris was dumbfounded, “Teach me? Take time out of your busy schedule of flitting about the Fade to teach me magic?” He smirked, “Well, everyone must do their part to aid the Inquisition, Lady Herald.”

 

She held his gaze, eyes narrowing. Was this a trick? A way to humiliate her? Or were his intentions sincere? She feared the magic inside of her, but she could not deny he was right. She had to face that fear or risk never sealing the Breach.

 

“Fine. I accept.”

 

To her surprise, Solas smiled what appeared to be a genuine smile. “Excellent. We shall start upon our return to Haven.” He left her side, readying himself for the journey home. As Pahris watched him go, she felt an overwhelming sense of dread. What had she agreed to?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After working together to improve her magic, Pahris and Solas reach a new place in their friendship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter I wrote a the library very quickly. I want to add more characters but honestly I'm just here for some Sollavellan garbage.

“No, no, no! You mustn’t think so hard, Pahris! Let the magic breathe through you!”

“I am trying, Solas, I promise!” 

They had been at it for days, Solas doing his best to coax stronger magic out of Pahris. It had been difficult. She was nearly spent, not only from the use of her mana but from Solas’ near constant critiques. He was a strict teacher and although she knew he was only trying to help, it seemed as though nothing he did was working.   
“Aren’t my basic skills enough? The mage’s power alone should be enough to seal the Breach!” Solas froze in his tracks, a wave of disapproval settling onto his face. “Do you realize the responsibility you have been given, Herald? I would not have such ancient magic wasted on a foolish child who is all too willing to toss it aside at the first sign of difficulty.” Pahris felt the heat beginning to grow at the tips of her ears. He was right and she hated to admit it. The further the Inquisition reached, the more she began to accept her role. She had been given a gargantuan task, one that she could not walk away from so easily. 

“I will try harder.” She muttered, not daring to look at him. Solas irked her to no end, but a part of her needed his approval. 

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, drawing on the mana within her. She cleared her mind of all other thoughts and focused on the intense heat that had begun to pool in her chest. Her hands grew hot, a burning sensation that grew into a scorching flame. Opening her eyes, she focused on the target in front of her. Her thoughts turned to the people of   
Thedas, those she had saved. She saw Rose, Inez, and countless others. She thought of all those she had left behind in her clan. She saw Tomrial. 

Tomrial. 

Heat exploded from her hands. As the sparks cleared, her jaw dropped. She had hit the target in a perfect and clean shot. “Solas! Did you see that? I did it!” Pahris was actually laughing, she couldn’t believe her eyes. She turned to Solas, forgetting herself and throwing her arms around him. He went rigid in her arms, but after a brief second laid one hand onto her back. “I knew it was possible, da’len. Well done.” 

Pahris felt the ground fall away beneath her feet. No one had called her kin since before the Conclave. A sorrow welled up in her heart. She pulled back from him, this was not like Solas she knew. “What did you just call me?” To her surprise, a blush began to grow on the tips of his ears. “Ah – an old habit creeping in, I suppose. I only meant to express my happiness in your progress. I know you do not consider me a friend. I shall try and never make that mistake again.” Pahris felt the blush creep up in her own ears, “No! I mean, I was just taken aback. No one has called me da’len since the Breach. I know that I have been difficult to work with, but I really do appreciate your help.” 

They looked at each other, neither knowing what to say. Their silence carried the weight of an eternity between them. At last, the tension was broken by a hurried Inquisition scout. “The Advisors request your presence in the War Room, your Worship.” Pahris nodded brusquely and the scout hurried away. As she began the trek back inside Haven’s walls, Pahris looked back to her teacher. “Thank you, ha’ren.” She turned back and scurried up the stone steps. 

As he watched her go, something inside of Solas fell away.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Inquisition attempts to close the Breach and Pahris begins to open up to those around her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this chapter is a little clunky. I tried to describe the scene where the Inquisitor seals the Breach but I don't think i captured it quite right. BUT I think I have improved at least a little bit in this month I've been writing!
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Snippets of dialogue are credited to the Dragon Age writers.

Pahris pressed herself as close as she could to Varric as the Mages began to take formation. The time had come to close the Breach and Pahris wanted to vomit. This was the moment of truth and nothing could stop her racing heart. “Varric, what if I can’t seal it? What if I fuck this all up? They’re all going to be watching me, I don’t think I can do this with everyone watching me!” Her eyes watered with tears and redness crept across her face in blotchy patches. Varric had never seen Pahris this upset. He had tried his best to calm her nerves, even offering her more than a few stiff drinks. Pahris had tried to take a few sips, but her stomach refused to keep anything down. Instead, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and offered a warm smile. “You’re gonna be fine, boss. The Breach isn’t going to stand a chance. I’ve seen desperate people face impossible odds and somehow they come out on top. Every hero has doubts, I promise you.” 

The moment dissipated as heavy footsteps approached. Pahris looked up into the face of Cassandra, the Seeker’s face grim and determined. “The Mages are prepared, Lady Herald. The time is now. I shall ride with you to the Temple.” Solas had stepped in behind her, and something in his eyes burned as he looked on the pair. “I shall join you on the front as well. The more quickly we begin, the better.” Looking back one more time at Varric, Pahris squeezed his hand. Letting it fall, she followed Cassandra and Solas out into the crisp night air. 

\- 

The Temple of Sacred Ashes burned with an energy that Pahris could feel even at a distance. Her Left arm throbbed with pain as they approached and her head swam with anxious thoughts. She could not let them down. The Anchor burned brighter than Pahris had ever seen and as she turned to Cassandra and Solas, she nodded. It was time. 

Cassandra addressed the Mages, her stance powerful. “Mages!” she called, and they matched her stance, staves at the ready. Solas stalked alongside her, his own staff raised above him, “Focus past the Herald! Let her will draw from you!” He turned his gaze towards Pahris, giving her a brusque nod. 

Pahris remembered the first time she had needed to use her magic for something of great importance and how that pressure had been insurmountable. How she had failed. As she gazed out at the faces of the Mages who chose to follow her, she knew that she could not fail again. 

Turning towards the gargantuan rift, Pahris lifted the Anchor. A thousand cries rang out around her as the Mages cast every ounce of magic they had towards her. Power burst forth from her and she let out a cry. But Pahris would not quit. She inched closer, pushing harder, feeling at any moment she could explode. 

The world went white. 

Everything crashed around her as Pahris was thrown to the ground. Her eyes refused to focus and she fought back the blackness that threatened to take her under. Piece by piece, the world around her returned and someone was shaking her awake. Regaining herself, Pahris looked up into the face of Cassandra. A look somewhere between disbelief and joy was plastered on the Seeker’s face. 

“You did it.” 

Cheers erupted around her, some cried out her name. Pahris searched the crowd and locked eyes with Varric, his face lit up with pride. Cassandra helped her to her feet and as she dusted herself off, Pahris looked up to find Solas' eyes locked on her. Her skin began to tingle and the Anchor pulsed with a dull throb. She broke away from his gaze and into the welcoming crowds cheering for her. 

\- 

Haven had never seen such joy. The celebration went on through the night and the people of Haven relaxed for the first time in ages. Even Cassandra had shared kind words with Pahris. Perhaps Pahris’ fortunes were finally shifting. 

She stood overlooking the festivities below sipping from one of the many drinks that had been handed to her. She felt the most relaxed she had in a long time. 

A boisterous group passed behind her on their way to the tavern. Varric, Blackwall, Sera, and a handful of Inquisition scouts ambled with wide smiles spread across their faces. “Pahris!” Varric called out to her, “come join us! A few drinks in your honor!” Blackwall and Sera eyed her cautiously. Neither liked Pahris at all, but tonight was special. Even they would share drinks with the Herald on such a momentous occasion. She surprised them all by nodding her acceptance, she had never agreed to join them in a group before. They smiled at her for the first time, and Sera gave her a playful shove. "Get a few drinks in and old grumpy Herald isn't too bad yeah?" Pahris laughed and found herself tucked under Sera's arm. But as she turned to go, a gentle hand found her own. 

“A word, your worship?”

Solas stood before her, something strange in his eyes. Pahris nodded and turned back to the group, “I’ll join you in a moment.” “Don’t keep her too long, Chuckles!” The group faded into the echoes of celebration around them. 

Solas’ eyes traced the vallaslin of Elgar’nan on Pahris’ face. His gaze sent a current of electricity down her spine. “You performed an impressive feat of magic, da’len. You should be very proud.” “So many have helped me, this isn’t my victory.” “That is true, but without you, there would not be a victory.” 

Down below, Pahris looked on as Rose and her daughter danced by the fire, laughing and full of life. “I never thanked you for keeping me alive after the Conclave.” Solas’ eyes glossed at the memory of Pahris on the brink of death before him. “There was a moment where I feared I could not save you and all our hope would disappear.” He turned to her, smiling, “but luckily, here you are. Although, I am curious. You consistently called out a name in your sleep. It seemed to cause you great distress. Tomrial, was the name as I recall.” 

Pahris went cold. Had she called out his name? Solas noted her sudden distress, “Ah, I see that it is a sensitive matter. Forgive me for prying.” Pahris drew in a deep breath, perhaps it was time to start telling the truth. “Tomrial was my lover, my partner. He died five years ago when poachers attacked our camp.” Partial truths were good enough for the time being. 

“I am sorry for your loss.” “Thank you. He’s been in my dreams consistently since the Conclave and I fear that his spirit is angry with me.” Solas could not resist a discussion of spirits and dreams, “Angry with you?” “I’ve begun to think about…someone else and I think he can tell. He thinks that I’m betraying him by having these feelings.” So many half-truths. Solas was quiet for what seems liked eternity. At last, he spoke, his voice breaking so faintly Pahris wasn’t sure if she had actually heard it. “And does Varric know how you feel about him?” Laughter erupted out of Pahris as she took in what Solas had said, “Varric? You think that I have feelings for Varric?” “He is the only one you let your guard down with and you do often share a tent. It seemed like a rational conclusion to make. Forgive me.” “I like him because isn’t so fucking stuck up like the rest of you are! I love Varric as if he were my own family!” The familiar blush spread onto the tips of her ears. She had already admitted much more than she had ever planned, why not tell Solas that he made her skin sizzle with electricity? “Solas, I – “ 

Before she could confess, the sky exploded in a sudden shower of fire. Haven was under attack.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pahris wakes up after the attack on Haven and finally confesses her secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i think this is not a bad chapter and I'm pretty pleased with how it turned out. I missed two weeks of writing but its been busy around here.
> 
> Anyways, thank you for your positive feedback as I learn how to write! 
> 
> And as always, credit goes to the bioware writers for bits and pieces of dialogue.

Pahris awoke in a dream, colder than she had ever been. Or was it a dream? She had no way of knowing, nothing made sense and her left arm felt thick and heavy, like she was moving it through water.

Shadows played just outside of her line of vision. She felt him pressing in, tracking her through the snow. She heard his voice echoing on the wind, "Where are you going, Little Fox?"

She had to keep moving, had to make sure Tomrial couldn’t catch her. But all Pahris wanted was to embrace the oncoming darkness and sleep until the world around her disappeared. 

-

When she finally awoke, the pounding in her head told her that this was no dream. The faint flickering of torches and the soft murmur of voices pulled her back into the world and memories began to return. A hand fell gently onto her shoulder and she looked up into the face of Mother Giselle. As Pahris took in the Mother's sunken face, the memories flooded her mind. 

The attack on Haven. The screaming. Fire. Huge, hulking warriors grown out of red lyrium. 

Corypheus. He was still out there. 

Pahris looked out onto the faces of those that remained. They no longer stared at her with pity and reluctant reverence. Now, they seemed to genuinely look towards her for guidance. They truly believed that she was the Herald of Andraste. The responsibility hung heavy in her heart and she knew that she had to go back to how things used to be. She would not build these people up just to disappoint them. 

"You're awake! Finally! I was worried that it would take months to thaw you out!" Varric rushed towards Pahris, worry hiding behind his smile, and although it broke her heart to do so, Pahris sneered and turned away. There could be no more friends on this journey, only enemies. 

"Boss?" She didn't turn. She kept walking. She could only protect them by distancing herself as much as possible. She heard Varric's footsteps slowly walk away in the snow behind her. 

The song of the Maker's children carried on the breeze and as much as she wanted to go back and wrap her arms around Varric, she couldn't. 

A figure appeared at her side. "A moment?"

She followed Solas, not daring to get to close. He had distracted her and she would not allow him to do so any longer. It was a stupid crush; one that would only end in broken hearts and death. 

The veilfire bathed them in an eerie blue light and made his eyes look like two glowing stars. "The humans have not raised one of our people so high for ages beyond counting. Their faith is hard won, lethalin. Worthy of pride. Save one detail. The threat Corypheus wields. The orb he carried. It is ours. Corypheus used the orb to open the breach. Unlocking it must have caused the explosion that destroyed the Conclave. We must find out how he survived." 

She listened to Solas talk, the way he seemed to know every little detail. It drove her mad and she knew it was right to forget her growing crush. They would only endlessly bicker at each other. 

She noticed he had grown silent and was now watching her. "I am very glad to see you alive, da'len." She snorted,"I should have died back there. I should have died months ago in that explosion. I was never meant for this! I never wanted this!" His brows furrowed and he took a small step towards her. "And yet, here you are. The Anchor still glows in your hand and the people still look towards you." A shadow fell over his face, "Dwelling on the past does no amount of good for anyone." 

"People are dead because of me and this fucking mark and so many more will die in the future. No matter what I do, I can't change that! So what's the fucking point? Why me?" 

Solas could feel frustration bubbling up inside of him. This was just like Pahris, rejecting anything put in front of her. Why was this all being wasted on her? Why couldn't she see her potential for greatness? He turned to her, fixing her with an intense stare. Something was different about her. Her face was still sun burnt, her fiery hair still unkempt, but her eyes were sad. "Sometimes sacrifices must be made for the good of the many. Perhaps the choice may seem wrong at first, but you must carry on with the knowledge that your quest is righteous." 

"They have to hate me. I don't want to build their hopes up and watch them crumble when I fail." Her voice broke, and she quietly said, "I've grown to like some of these stupid shems and I couldn't bear to see them hate me now." He took another small step towards her. He was close enough now that he could easily reach out and touch her. He thought about this for a moment, but let it pass. She looked so small that he feared one touch would cause her to break. "Then give them hope, da'len." 

To Solas' surprise, Pahris began to cry. She tried to hide her choked sobs, but nothing could be held back anymore. "I'm no hero. I'm a coward. I let Tomrial die that night." "What do you mean? I recall you saying he was killed by poachers." "That's only half of it. We were supposed to meet that night, as always. I was waiting at our spot by the river for a long time and I could tell something was wrong. Tomrial tended our clan's halla and I knew that he had taken them out to graze one more time before our meeting. I ran as fast as I could to the fields and when I got there, I found Tomrial and three dead halla. It was the fucking poachers. He was still alive, but barely. I ran to him, ready to summon healing magic. But I...couldn't. Nothing was happening. I choked. When I needed my magic most, I choked." Her voice had grown deeper, "So I ran. I ran back to camp. I told myself I was going to get help but I knew it would be useless. The wounds were too deep. He had lost too much blood. But I could hear him behind me, calling out, 'Where are you going?'." She was running her hands through her hair, pulling at it, hoping the pain would prevent more tears, but they wouldn't stop. "If I had just been fast enough, or stronger, or more controlled I could have saved him. But I was a coward. I ran. If I couldn't save the one person I loved more than any other, how can I save Thedas?" 

He said nothing. Instead, he reach out and wrapped her in an embrace, letting her cry. She was relieved. The last thing she wanted was a lecture. This was enough. As her sobs turned to small whimpers, she pulled away and wiped at her eyes. "The Keeper said Tomrial was beyond all help, but I can't help feeling like it was my fault. I've avoiding using my magic ever since. I'm ashamed." She looked at him, grim determination set on her face, "But things are different this time. They still have hope and maybe I should too." 

Solas was taken aback at how much she had changed in these few months. Pahris had entered their lives like a wild animal caught in a trap. Now she stood before him, staring down her grief and fear. Stubborn and determined. She reminded him so much of himself. His heart thumped wildly in his chest. His body still felt warm from their embrace.

Gathering herself, she smiled. "Well, none of this will matter anyways if we can't get out of this wilderness." Solas smirked, a look of mischief in his eyes. "That is the immediate problem. And it offers a solution that may secure your place in their hearts. You saved them at Haven. Perhaps you can again." 

Pahris had no idea what Solas had planned but she vibrated with a renewed energy. Her confession was only the beginning of moving forward but she had so much further left to go. Maybe she was responsible for Tomrial's death and maybe she wasn't. All she knew now was that this time she could not fail. 

She whisked back to the main camp as quickly as she could. She had some apologies to make. Varric was waiting by the fire. "I knew you were putting up a front back there. You can't fool me, Boss." He looked at Pahris with such warmth that she knew she would do whatever it took to keep her friends safe.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After reaching Skyhold, Pahris is still haunted by nightmares of the boy she once loved. She swallows her pride and reaches out to Solas for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO this is basically the first kiss in the fade scene but not as loving and sweet. I'm OBSESSED with the idea of Solas only loving the Inquisitor because of the Anchor and everything turning into a rivalry romance like in DA2. These two hate/love each other. 
> 
> I think I'm having issues with keeping a consistent story though. I sort of feel like they started to hate each other again out of nowhere??
> 
> Anyways, a ton of credit towards the Bioware writers as always. 
> 
> (I think my writing is definitely improving so thanks for coming with me on this journey!!!)

Inquisitor Pahris Lavellan was what they called her now. She still couldn't wrap her mind around it. When they had entered Skyhold and the sword had been presented to her, she had wanted to run. They wanted Pahris as their leader? After all this time? It shocked her, and for a moment she considered handing the sword back, rejecting them. But she hadn't. After her confession to Solas, she knew she that she couldn't run anymore. These people, these shems wanted her and she couldn't refuse. Of course, she was still her rude, gruff, off-putting self, but it didn't stop the people of Skyhold from bowing their heads in respect as she walked by. She wouldn't admit it, but it felt good.   
She was happier than she had been in a long time. Her companions showed her more respect, asking for her opinion more than they had in the past. She and Varric were still thick as thieves, and he never seemed to run out of stories to tell her when things got dark. She had even found comfort outside her inner circle, taking time to help the little mage Inez with her magic. Inez's mother, Rose, had been lost during the attack on Haven, and Pahris had taken it upon herself to look after the little shemlen. In a way, she felt responsible for the child. But it all made her happy.   
The only person she actively avoided was Solas. Ever since she confessed to him everything about Tomrial's death, she had been embarrassed to look at him. He was the only one who knew and it filled her with shame. She had never been so vulnerable and she hated it. If he knew she was avoiding him, she couldn't tell. He was his usual stoic self and he never attempted to engage her in conversation. The strange crush she had developed back in Haven seemed to be fading and it pleased her. As long as she kept her distance, everything would be fine. She would prevail. 

\- 

 

Solas felt his shoulders tense as Pahris quickly crept past him and up the stairs of his rotunda. Ever since their journey to Skyhold she had stayed as far away from him as possible, but he couldn't fathom why. She had even stopped coming to him for magic lesson, instead turning to Vivienne or Dorian for help. The latter irritated him even more because he could hear their discussions from the balcony above. Fine, he thought. If she would continue with this cold shoulder, he would respond the same way. Should she ever speak to him again, that is. He chided himself for his ridiculous obsession with what the Inquisitor thought of him. He vowed to push the Inquisitor from his mind and return his focus to his task. 

 

\- 

 

Pahris curled up in a weathered armchair and waited. Vivienne moved about her books and belongings, casting occasional glances at the Inquisitor. “I'm honored you came to visit me, my dear, but I'm terribly busy. Do you need something?” Pahris looked down at the floor, a blush creeping into her already red cheeks. Tomrial was still haunting her dreams and she needed to know how to get rid of him. She longed for a decent night's rest. But she couldn't ask Vivienne without revealing her secret to the enchantress as well. “I have a few questions about magic. The Fade in particular. And spirits.” “Wouldn't it be wiser, my dear, if you consulted Solas on matters of spirits? I'm afraid my knowledge on the subject is a bit limited.” Pahris grimaced and sunk deeper into the chair, “I was hoping to avoid that.”   
Vivienne paused, glancing up at Pahris with a quizzical eye. “Something the matter with our dear apostate?” “He thinks he's smarter than everyone else, especially me. I'd just rather not have to deal with that.” It was half a lie, and not a very good one. Vivienne gave her a knowing look. “Ask me whatever you wish, my dear, but I would highly suggest you take advantage of his knowledge. Now, if you don't mind, I must return to my work here.” Pahris nodded solemnly and slipped from the armchair and down the stone stairway. If she was ever going to get any peaceful sleep again she needed to swallow her pride. With her head bent low, she quickly crossed through the great hall and headed towards the rotunda. 

 

Solas was bent over his desk in the center of the room, pouring over the scattered papers and tomes. He did not look up as Pahris approached. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” He sneered in a cool, low tone. Her ears grew hot and she mumbled, “I'm interested in what you told me of yourself and your studies. If you have time, I'd like to ask you some questions.” Solas smirked. “You continue to surprise me.” His words were laced with disdain. She had come back to ask for his advice and this time he would not be influenced. He wanted things back to how they had begun. He couldn't stand the way her feelings seemed to fluctuate towards him. He needed to prove to her that she meant nothing to him, that she was just another pawn in the game. He needed to take her someplace where he could have the upper hand. “Alright, let us talk. Preferably someplace more interesting than this.” 

 

\- 

 

They emerged in Haven. But it wasn't Haven at all. The air around them hummed with an electricity that Pahris didn't recognize. Her body felt more alive than it ever had and the Anchor didn't ache so much as pulse with a comforting warmth. It seemed to reach out towards Solas, needing him. She made up her mind to ignore it.   
“Why here?” “Haven is familiar. It will always be important to you.” But of course, this was the Fade. Pahris was suspicious, “We talked about that already.” He sneered as he led her down into the bowels of the Chantry, going backward in time to the day they met. His head was clear and the memories came easily. “I sat beside you while you slept, studying the Anchor.” 

Pahris frowned, unsure of herself, her heart beating in her chest. She had to get her answers and get out before she lost herself. “I wanted to know more about you.” He furrowed his brow and tried to stay calm, “This is about me.” Why didn't she ever understand? “I ran every test I could imagine, search the Fade, yet found nothing. Cassandra suspected duplicity. She threatened to have me executed as an apostate if I didn't extract results.”   
“The threat worked.” “No. It didn't.” He scowled and walked back up the steps, Pahris close on his heels. They exited the Chantry and into the shimmering sunlight. “You were never going to wake up. How could you? A mortal sent physically through the Fade...” “Are you ever going to answer my questions, or have you brought me here to prove something to me? If that's the case, just send me back. I'll ask someone else.” 

He turned sharply and held one hand up to stop her. “If you do not mind, Inquisitor, I request that you let me finish.” Pahris nodded, choosing to remain silent. “I was frustrated, frightened. The spirits I might've consulted had been driven away by the Breach. Although I wished to help I had no faith in Cassandra or she in me. I was ready to flee.” “Running away when the Breach threatened the world? And where did you plan to go?” She hated the way he toyed with her, making her work for his help. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to reach out with both hands, tear him apart. She wanted to reach out and touch him...She took a deep breath and refocused herself. This was all too overwhelming. There was some magic he was using against her, she thought, that's the only explanation. 

“I planned on going far away to research a way to repair the Breach before its effects reached me.” He smiled wryly, “I never said it was a good plan.” He turned towards the tear in the sky, “I told myself, one more attempt to seal the rifts. I tried and failed. No ordinary magic would affect them.” His mind traveled away from her, thinking back to that day when everything began. “I watched the rifts expand and grow, resigned myself to flee, and then.." 

He turned back towards her and the breath rushed out of him. Apparently, the Fade still held mysteries for him, for he saw her for what seemed like the first time. In the Fade, Pahris was something completely different. She was still Pahris Lavellan, but the Fade had changed her. She was more beautiful than he ever thought possible. Her eyes no longer watered; they sparkled like a stream. Her fox red hair was lustrous and full. Her face, no longer splotched and red was flushed and healthy. The vallaslin seemed to come alive, begging him to reach out. Her body called out to his with an immeasurable force. Something in him stirred, and he was overwhelmed with the need to touch her. Did she feel it too? 

He attempted to gather himself as she took a step closer. “It seems you hold the key to our salvation. You had sealed it with a gesture..And right then..” his voice caught in his throat, “I felt the whole world change.” 

There was a rushing in her head as Pahris began to lose a sense of what was real and what was not. “Felt the whole world change?” 

His body grew warm and his head was spinning. He had never felt so off his guard in the Fade. Had his plan backfired? He chuckled nervously, “A figure of speech.” Their eyes locked, neither able to look away. The air around them buzzed with anticipation. She took a step closer, her voice a throaty whisper, "Tell me, honestly." 

Solas remembered the moments they had spent training together, how she had called him ha'ren, how she had trusted him with her darkest secret. How she made him feel necessary. “You change everything.” 

Pahris couldn't hold herself back any longer. Reality ceased to exist and she took his face in her hands, pressing her lips to his. The world exploded around them as they fused together, kissing as though it were the only thing keeping them alive. Solas pulled back for a moment and when he stared into her eyes Pahris saw him cycle between confusion, lust, and anger. He pulled her back in, slipping his tongue into her mouth, caressing her. His hands wrapped themselves in her hair, pulling her closer and closer as if he wanted to devour her. In a way, he did. He needed her more than he had ever needed anything. They had no reason to be together but in this moment it was all he wanted. She rose up to meet him, matching his need and rolling her hips into the growing hardness of his body. 

For a brief moment, he found reality again and pulled away, stepping back from her touch. He ached with a need for her. “We shouldn't, it isn't right. Not even here.” 

Pahris, having jolted back into reality herself, tried to calm the pounding in her chest. By the fucking Dread Wolf, she thought, I was supposed to forget this stupid crush. She shook her head, breathing heavily, “You're right. This is a bad idea.” 

Neither elf spoke for what seemed like an eternity. So many unsaid words hung in the air between them. Solas finally broke the tension, chuckling nervously. “I suppose we should head back. You have questions that require answers.”   
Pahris scowled and backed away from him. She had broken the promise she had made to herself. She had fed the fire she had tried so hard to extinguish. He was only doing this to humiliate her. “This isn't real,” she spat, “none of this happened. I never asked for your help and we never came here. None of this is real.” Solas did not try and meet her gaze, his own ears beginning to turn pink. “That's a matter of debate.” He needed to get away from her. “probably best discussed after you wake up.” 

 

On opposite ends of Skyhold, two elves awoke in a cold sweat, their bodies hungry for something that neither could name.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After their mysterious Fade-kiss, Pahris decides to confront Solas about where they stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some sexual content in this chapter so heads up!! nsfw!!! And yeah they never have sex as far as we know in the game but I think this is exactly how things would play out between the two. 
> 
> Thanks for your feedback!

Pahris smiled as she watched Inez freeze a small cup of water with just her hands. The little shem had progressed far beyond anyone's expectations and Pahris had never been prouder. A motherly-type devotion had begun to grow in her heart and soon Inez was spending more time among the Inquisitor and her companions. Inez missed her mother Rose, and Pahris knew that she was a poor substitute, but she tried her hardest to make sure the child was happy and safe. This included magic lessons. Inez had already surpassed Pahris' elementary understanding of magic and had begun to request more challenging material. 

She needed a new teacher. 

Pahris knew that she should ask Vivienne or Dorian. She knew that they were practical choices, excellent teachers, and neither could misconstrue her inquiry as anything other than her best wishes for Inez. 

But somehow, Pahris soon found herself making her way down to Solas' study in the rotunda. Their encounter in the Fade had only been yesterday, but it felt like an eternity since she had seen him. What would he say? What would he do? Had it been real or just a dream? Her hands were clammy and cold as she pressed open the door, and she tried her best to hide the blushing of her ears and appear confident and unbothered. 

Solas did not look up at her. Was it her imagination or were the tips of his ears slightly pink? 

“Sleep well?” he purred and closed the book he had been rifling through. He looked up into Pahris' eyes and all thoughts of Inez dissipated from her mind. “I've never done anything like that before. On a number of levels.” Her voice cracked and she cursed the Dread Wolf for giving herself away. She expected a biting remark, but instead he chuckled softly and it startled her. “Can we talk about Inez?” 

To her surprise, Solas seemed slightly disappointed. “Oh, yes. Of course. What was it you wished to discuss?” 

Pahris stared at him blankly. She had not planned out what she was going to say, her only thought had been to get down and see him as soon as possible. “Well, um...Inez is doing really well with her magic training. She's incredible for her age. But you and I both know that I'm fucking awful when it comes to magic and I think she needs a new teacher.” Solas stepped away from his desk and moved closer to her. “I see.” Pahris stood her ground but felt the heat rise in her face. “And why not ask Dorian or Vivienne? Why come to me?”  
“W-well you...were such a good teacher to me, I figured...” “Of course I will help her. You're quite correct. She has immense potential and it is wise of you to nurture it.” He smiled, and his eyes studied her face, “She is fortunate to have such a caring guardian after all she has been through.” 

The silence stretched between them. Would neither bring up the kiss? At last, Pahris broke the tension and began to move towards the door. It seemed they wouldn't discuss it after all. “Well, thank you for agreeing. I know she will appreciate it.” She heard her voice come out high and squeaky and she cursed again. 

As her back turned, she heard his voice low and thoughtful behind her. “I apologize.” She froze, the hair on the back of her arms standing upright. “The kiss was impulsive and ill-considered, and I should not have encouraged it.” 

Pahris turned back towards him, but he was no longer smiling. There was something sad and defeated in his eyes. She had no clue how to respond, but the words seem to fall out of her mouth uncontrollably, “You say that, but you're the one who started with tongue.” Solas was taken aback, and the sadness in his eyes dimmed almost unnoticeably. “I did no such thing!” She could see he was squirming and so she pressed a bit harder, “Oh, does it not count if it's only Fade-tongue?” This time, the blush in his ears was unmistakable. “It has been a long time,” his voice wavered just slightly, “and things have always been...easier for me in the Fade.” Solas moved back behind his desk as if to guard himself, resting his hands on the piles of papers before him. He did not look at her. “I'm not certain that this is the best idea. It could lead to trouble.” 

Pahris thought of everything they had been through together, all of his taunting and jabs and the way he always acted like he was superior. At long last, she could admit that her crush was real and that kiss had been spectacular but was it worth it? What would be the price for giving in? 

She knew what she had to do. 

“Then let's end it.” 

For a brief moment, Solas looked as though he had been punched. But it passed almost as quickly as it had appeared and he straightened up, smiling. “I agree. It was nothing more than a temporary diversion. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have much to go over.” Pahris nodded, a tight smile spread across her face. This is for the best she repeated to herself over and over again. 

Without another word, she slipped through the door and out into the echoing chaos of the main hall. 

\--------

The rain poured down in thick, heavy droplets. Pahris cursed herself for refusing to wear something thicker and sat shivering in her wet woolen wrappings. They had set course for the Storm Coast on the hunt for the missing scouts and Pahris was on the warpath. She hated the rain. She snapped at her scouts, trampled through the mud, and refused to listen to anyone's suggestions. She could hear Blackwall and Sera whispering from a distance, probably about her. Pahris knew she was being unpleasant but she didn't care. 

Solas had joined their expedition as well, but kept his distance from the rest of the group, occasionally chiming in with suggestions that Pahris would immediately shut down. His frustration began to grow as well, and soon the entire party was at each other's throats. 

“You're being stupid! We go down there and they stick us with their little arrows and their big scary dogs! We should bring them this Mercy's Chest or whatever they call it!”  
“No. They attacked us, so we attack them back.”  
“I think Sera is right, my lady. There is no need for bloodshed.”  
“Did you all forget who is in charge? I say attack, so we attack.”  
“Have you ever uttered the word 'diplomacy' in your entire life?” Solas had jumped back into the group, his face filled with anger. “I still cannot believe you are the one leading us!”  
“Elfy's right.” Sera chirped, “you're being a right bitch about all of this.” “Fine!” Pahris snapped, “We can make this fucking amulet, deal with these fucking idiots, and then go home! Happy?” She stormed away before they could answer. 

Although she was the leader of the Inquisition, sometimes she still felt like an outcast back in Haven. 

 

\-----------------

Although she hated to admit it, her companions were right. They had gone into the Blades of Hessarian camp armed with Mercy's Crest and fought a duel against their leader. Having won, the Blades of Hessarian became agents of the Inquisition Solas had been smug ever since, casting a look of “I told you so” when they brought the report back to camp. They couldn't leave until the morning, and everyone had retreated to their tents to wrap up in something that was damp. Except for Pahris, who had taken another cloak from their supplies and stalked through the forest, wrapped up in the fabric. 

She had acted like a child today and the embarrassment brought a strong blush to her cheeks. The others didn't know her story, didn't know that hunting and killing their enemies was the only way to keep her dreams of Tomrial away. It was like every enemy she faced were the poachers that had killed him. So she grew impatient and angry and wanted to fight. 

A rustle in the trees behind her made her jump and she turned to see Solas coming out of the trees towards her. “It's not safe to be out here all alone.” She scowled and kept walking, “I don't really care.” He was at her side in an instant, but her gaze stayed fixed on the ground. “I apologize for the conflict earlier. You are our leader and I should not have upset you.” She halted in her tracks, spinning towards him again, spitting fire, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He was stunned, his eyes opening wide and his mouth hanging open. “Inquisitor? I-” “I don't get it! First, you think I'm an idiot and then suddenly you're nice to me. Then you turn on a dime and start acting like an ass again. But then you act like you actually like me! I don't fucking get it!” 

Solas' brow furrowed in frustration. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her into him, kissing her deeply. He pulled away, anger still in his eyes, “Does that answer your question?” 

Pahris had no time to respond. A crashing came from the bushes and the elves were suddenly face to face with a small pack of wolves. As they leaped upon them, Pahris and Solas reached for their staves. 

Sparks showered over them as they blasted the wolves, using their staff blades if they got too close. Pahris fought hard, losing herself in the burst of flame and flashes of electricity. The wolves fought long and hard, with one sinking its teeth into Solas' arm. He howled and knocked the wolf aside with his blade. 

At last, one lone wolf stood before them and it leaped into the air towards Pahris. Using all of her energy, she cast at him with a great burst of fire, and the wolf fell at her feet. 

The elves turned to each other, each breathing heavily, each covered in blood, sweat, and mud. Then Pahris remembered, the kiss... 

The distance between them closed in an instant, their lips finding each other, needing to devour. Solas had backed Pahris up against a tree, pushing his body into hers, needing to touch her. His hands moved down her body, running down the length of her thighs, and tore at her breeches, ripping them off with surprising strength. He reached for her again, hitching her legs up around his waist. Pahris could feel him hard against her, shocked at the heat that could be felt in spite of the rain. Her mouth found his ear, kissing and licking her way down his neck, the metallic taste of blood and salt making her heart pound faster. He brought one hand to his trousers, fumbling with the buttons until he pulled out his cock, hard and pulsating with warmth. He pulled away from her mouth and gazed deep into her eyes. “Is this okay? Do you want to do this?” “Yes, yes!” She repeated breathlessly, almost on top of his question, and felt her own sex quiver as Solas' hand pushed aside her small clothes and stroked the warm flesh between her legs. And suddenly he was inside of her, hard and desperate, every thrust of his hips bringing a new wave of pleasure. Pahris reached a hand down to the bud between her legs, rubbing furiously, her legs wrapping tighter around Solas' waist. He moved faster and faster, his breathing growing heavier and heavier until at last he let out a ragged cry. “Pahris..” he whimpered. Her own release came seconds after, and she cried out, burying her teeth into his shoulder to stifle the sound. Solas gave a few more gentle thrusts and grew still, their hearts beating in sync with each other. 

Solas pulled himself out of her, and Pahris brought her feet back to the ground. Neither could speak and Pahris avoided his gaze. She couldn't look at him after that. She couldn't do anything. 

The tears came suddenly and without warning. Hitching up her torn breeches and her staff, Pahris took off in the direction of camp, stumbling all the way, blinded by the tears in her eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pahris and Solas navigate their new and unsure feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't updated this in awhile so this is basically an unfinished chapter. Hoping to get back into it. This kind of does nothing to further the plot but oh well!! I don't hate it!!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> As always, credit to the Bioware writers for certain portions of dialogue!

A week had gone by and neither Pahris or Solas had mentioned anything that had happened between them. Not the kiss, not the sex, not anything that had occurred on the Storm Coast. Both of them were grateful for the constant tasks that required their attention and kept them apart. For Solas, it was the ever growing mural. And for Pahris it was the roguish mage that had captured Varric's full attention. 

“Hey, Boss! Come and join us for a drink!” Varric called to Pahris from across the crowded tavern and the the mage beside him raised her own drink in agreement. Sliding into the chair across from them, Pahris grabbed the drink out of Varric's hand and downed the rest in one large gulp. The mage smiled, her sky blue eyes glassy with drink, “Varric, I love this woman. “ Varric chuckled and and finished off his own drink, “Looks like you and Hawke are going to get along. What's the plan? When are we headed out for Crestwood? Find this Warden?' “Soon. Leliana's scouts should be back at any point with information on the area. Then I think we're good to head out.” “Excellent. In the meantime,” Varric stood up from the table and headed in the direction of the bar, “I think we could all use another drink.”

The mead was strong and Pahris felt the bubbles rush to her head. “I've heard your story. Not just from Varric, but from plenty of others. How did you do it? I feel like I'm just making people upset all the time no matter what I do.” It was quiet for a moment as Hawke's eyes traced Pahris' vallaslin. “You remind me of myself when I was younger.” She smiled again and it was comforting, “I get it, you know. I didn't set out to be champion. I just wanted to protect my family. And when I lost them? Every time I helped someone and never got a word of thanks, it just made me angrier.” Hawke's eyes began to water and she chuckled as she wiped away a tear, “But I had good friends and those friends became my family. They kept me from shutting down completely and losing myself to that anger.” Pahris met her gaze and opened her mouth to speak just as Varric returned with drinks, “Are you crying? How drunk are you?” “Fuck you, Varric!” “I love you too, Hawke.” 

 

They had learned much in such a short time. The Wardens had become corrupted by Corypheus and preparations were being made to siege on Adamant. In the meantime, Solas had begun his magic lessons with Inez. He could always feel Pahris watching from a distance, stalking the grounds like a lioness watching over her cub. They hadn't said anything about their encounter in Crestwood but it haunted his dreams and clouded his thoughts. But at least he could finally admit it to himself: he didn't like her but he wanted her. He couldn't stand her but he loved her. Something had to be done. 

That night, Solas found himself waiting outside of the War Room, his palms sweating. The heavy door pushed open and Pahris stormed out, angry as ever. She jumped when she saw him, letting out a yell. “What the fuck are you doing lurking around like that?” She didn't stop to hear his answer, but kept walking down the crumbling corridor. Solas hurried after, his steps silent on the stone. “We have not talked in some time, Inquisitor.” Pahris laughed and his heart seized up, “What is there to talk about?”  
He moved in front of her quickly, blocking her path. “You know just as well as I.” 

Pahris stared him down, teeth gritted. “I have no idea what you're talking about.” She pushed past him with surprising force, but Solas would not relent. He reached out and placed one hand on her arm. “I have not stopped thinking about it.” He felt her shudder beneath his hand. 

“Maybe just for tonight...” she looked up at him, “and after that we are done. Got it?” He said nothing, only nodded, and the two slipped into the dark corridor and up to Pahris' chambers. 

 

Pahris hadn't slept all night. She was too afraid to move or breathe or do anything without disturbing the sleeping elf beside her. They had made love much like the last time: hard and fast. Solas had drifted off soon after and Pahris had laid awake, staring at the sky through the open windows. She knew now that she loved Solas and it did not make her happy. Things had become too complicated. How could she so easily forget Tomrial? She wanted to discuss everything with Varric, but couldn't bear to tear him away from Hawke. So she lay awake as long as she could, knowing that Tomrial would find her in her dreams. 

A rustling beside her made her jump, but she relaxed when she saw it was only Solas stretching and yawning. “Good morning.” His voice was as calm and cool as ever, but there was a laziness to the words that made Pahris' mouth curl up in a slight smile. “Morning.” 

He moved to kiss her but she went rigid, holding a hand up to block her face. “Don't.”  
“But last night?”  
“It feels dirtier in the daytime. We both know this is just to blow off some steam. Don't make it weird.” 

If she had hoped to see him hurt by this, his face betrayed nothing. “That's fine with me.” He slid out of the bed, the sunlight warming his naked back. “I suspect we shall see each other later?” She nodded, but he didn't turn to look. Instead, he slipped on his trousers and shirt and disappeared out the door. 

 

The days flew by in a whirlwind of action. They were getting closer and closer to discovering the mystery of the Wardens. But there was plenty of issues within Skyhold as well. Solas had awakened from a deep sleep in a cold sweat. Somewhere they were calling out to him...they had been hurt...they needed him...  
He had to stop them. 

He quickly sent a messenger to fetch the Inquisitor. He needed someone who's rage could match his own and have no hesitation in attacking if need be. She took her time in arriving and the tension in his body grew with every passing minute. As a last resort, Solas sat down to a cup of elfroot tea, hoping the mixture would calm the growing tension. 

As he tentatively sipped the vile drink, Pahris slipped into the rotunda. 

“Something wrong with your tea?” “It is tea. I detest the stuff. But this morning, I needed to shake the dreams from my mind. I may also need a favor.” 

Pahris couldn't stop herself from laughing. “But you don't need anything from anyone. You're known for that.”  
He ignored her laughter and stood up, pacing the floor. “One of my oldest friends has been captured by mages. Forced into slavery! I heard the cry for help as I slept.”  
“I thought you didn't have any friends besides spirits.”  
“I don't.”  
She stared at him, taken aback. He had never asked for a favor from her, only offering himself when needed. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “So who is this?”  
He sighed, understanding that this would be a battle. “My friend is a spirit of Wisdom. Unlike the spirits clamoring to enter our world through the rifts, it was dwelling quite happily in the Fade. It was summoned against its will and wants my help to gain its freedom and return to the Fade.”  
He looked at her with pleading eyes. She didn't want to ask questions. He needed her and despite her better judgement, she would help.  
“Alright, Solas. Any friend of yours...apparently.”  
Solas was more sincere that she had ever seen him and he hurriedly whispered, “Thank you.” He sprang to action, gathering up the various odds and ends on his desk. “I got a sense of my friend's location before I awoke. I'll mark it on the map.”


End file.
